Learning to Trust Ourselves
One of the biggest impacts of traumatic events for many people is that it impacts our ability to trust other people or ourselves. While many people hold onto beliefs that they “can’t trust other people” (or as Mulder put it- “Trust No One”) that distrust actually has really large implications for our lives, especially in our relationships with other people. What may seem like independence can result in isolation.
Traumatic events, like abuse, neglect, or witnessing violence (or any number of other life-altering events) shift our perspective of the world. The people, places or things that were once safe (or that we needed to be safe) are no longer. This frequently results in people questioning the integrity and intentions of those around them. For example, someone who has been in a serious car accident may become more distrustful of other drivers. Someone who has been the victim of a crime may be distrustful of anyone who resembles their attacker. Someone who has been abused by a parent may be distrustful of any person in a position of authority. These negative feelings and perceptions of others become most powerful in those situations where the individual has limited control or feels particularly vulnerable (like in intimate relationships).
The good news is that there are ways that we can work to change our beliefs about the world and about other people. It starts with learning (or relearning) how to trust ourselves.
Trusting ourselves looks like having the confidence that no matter what happens in our environment we know that we will make the best decisions we can, with the information we have, and do our best to keep ourselves and the people around us safe. For most of us, developing that confidence is easier said than done.
Want to start cultivating a sense of trust in yourself? Try this: Take out a journal and reflect on the challenging times in your life. How did you make it through? Who or what did you lean on for support during that time? What are the lessons that you learned through that experience that gives you wisdom for today?
You can do hard things. In fact, you probably already have. Awareness of our internal strength, resiliency, and power is the foundation for building confidence and trust in ourselves.
