Build Emotional Intelligence for Better Relationships
As my clients will tell you, I like to remind them (and myself!) that whatever change we want to see happen in our lives begins with us. If we want our jobs, relationships, finances, health, or anything else in our life to change, we have to start making changes. I do not prescribe the “wait and hope” plan of action to my clients. So, like with all other things, if we want to have relationships that are more emotionally connected, fulfilling, and provide us with a deep sense of intimacy, we have to start with being emotionally connected to ourselves.
Why is this important? For a few reasons. First, if you don’t know what you’re feeling- you can’t communicate it or your needs to your partner. If you can’t communicate your feelings or your needs to your partner, they won’t get met. Often people will blame their partners for this, without ever having taken the initiative to really explore what they’re feeling and needing or communicating it. As much as they love us, our partners are not mind readers. We need to let them know what’s going on!
Secondly, if we aren’t tuned in to our emotions or how we’re feeling, we won’t really be able to effectively manage those feelings when they get really strong. I’ve had so many clients say to me “I felt fine and then all of the sudden I was so mad! It came out of nowhere!” My belief is that likely my client didn’t really feel “fine” and that the anger didn’t come out of nowhere. It was there, my client just wasn’t aware of it. In our intimate relationships we are more likely to experience strong feelings because we are our most vulnerable. If we are not emotionally aware, conflicts easily get escalated and stay there.
Lastly (but not really, because I could go on), increasing our emotional intelligence helps us to be a more empathic and supportive partner. If we have felt, sat with, and addressed our own pain it often gives us a gift of being able to sit with others in theirs. Emotional intelligence means that I can still stay calm, even when my partner is upset (and it conversely means that I can allow myself to be upset, even if my partner is not.) Emotional intelligence and awareness creates safety in our relationships, which is essential for healthy, long-lasting, and mutually fulfilling relationships.
Do you have experience being in a healthy, emotionally intelligent relationship? What’s your secret sauce? Share in the comments so we can all learn from your wisdom!
