Managing Expectations on your Wellness Journey

Whether you’re a seasoned “pro” with therapy or just getting started, it’s important to remember to manage our expectations of ourselves as we go through the process of change.  As with many things, people sometimes think that if they can just find the right therapist, medication, or program, that all their symptoms will melt away- leaving them feeling happy and problem-free for the rest of their lives.  The right therapists, medications, and programs are all important, no doubt- but none of them are going to do the work for you, and nothing is going to work overnight.

Say you’re 40 years old, and you’ve been biting your nails since you were 8.  Now you want to stop, but your brain and body have become accustomed to 32 years of nail-biting.  You can have an excellent therapist, read all the books about habit change, take medications to manage your anxiety- and still struggle to stop biting your nails.  In fact, it may happen that you successfully quit biting your nails for weeks or months, just to go back to it after a particularly stressful time. Changing habits and changing thoughts takes consistent effort over time. 

I like to think of the therapy process like a hilly hike through a forest.  When going up a hill, sometimes hikers encounter what’s called a switchback- a part of the trail that curves side-to-side up the hill, instead of going straight up the hill to the top.  This allows hikers to climb the hill with less drastic changes in their hiking angle, which is easier to hike, safer, and helps preserve endurance overall, even though it’s technically “the long way”.  And to a tired hiker who just wants to get to the top of the hill, the back-and-forth curves of a switchback can feel like a very long way.   Sometimes in our lives we can feel like we’re stuck on a switchback- revisiting things over and over, just going back and forth, not seeming to get any closer to the top of the hill. 

When you’re feeling this way, it’s important to remember three things:

1.       Intention is Important.  

“Contemplation”, the act of thinking about change, is actually considered the second stage of change.  It follows “precontemplation”, which is when we don’t see a need to make a change at all. This means that even by just thinking about trying to improve our lives, we are already on the path to making it happen.  If we have the intention to change, we will.  

2.       Change Takes Time.

You are literally trying to undo years of behavior and thought patterns, some of which started before you could even speak.  You may even be trying to teach yourself new patterns- a hefty task in and of itself- on top of still functioning in your daily life.   Give yourself grace and remember that 1% change is still change.

3.       You are Strong for Showing Up.

Taking the step to look deeply into oneself shows a lot of bravery. It’s not easy for many of us to admit that we need help, feel out of control, or don’t know how to handle certain situations in our lives.  Allowing yourself the space to take off the mask and reflect on your experiences is the hard work necessary to bring greater peace and clarity into our lives.

Looking for a therapist who will walk beside you as you traverse the switchbacks of life? Reach out today! InnerTruthCounseling.net