Making New Friends as an Adult
I’m sure it won’t come as a surprise to anyone over the age of 30 that your relationships with friends start to change as you age. Some of our friends get married, some stay single, some have kids, some don’t, some stay close, some move far away, and everyone gets busy and caught up in their own lives. The result? A lot of adults feel isolated and struggle to find and make new friends. And if you’ve ever had the experience of having a falling out or losing friends, this process can be even more anxiety-producing. I’ve had a lot of my adult clients ask me- “how do I make new friends?”
So if you struggle as an adult with feeling lonely and like you don’t have many close friends, you’re not alone! And while we stay in touch with so many people on social media, I think many of us would agree that social media is a poor substitute for actual friend relationships.
My tips for making friends as an adult:
1. Do things you like, do them in public, and meet people there. Take a painting class. Go see live music. Volunteer for a cause you care about. Take a yoga class and then strike up a conversation with people afterwards. The more you go out and meet people doing the things you like to do, the more likely you are to find people with shared interests and values (which is important for friendship!)
2. Practice making small talk everywhere you go. Whether it’s at the grocery store, your workplace, or in your neighborhood, a friendly “hello”, some eye contact, and a “nice weather, huh?” goes a long way to let people know you are approachable and friendly. Practicing with “low stakes” interactions (like at the gas station) can make other ones (like a party) seem a little less scary.
3. Get adopted by an extrovert. Do you notice someone who seems to always be talking and engaging with other people? Go sit by them and guess what- they’ll probably talk and engage with you. Extroverts make great friends and will do the heavy lifting for you!
4. Embrace your authentic, awkward self! Feeling awkward? Just ACKNOWLEDGE IT! You don’t have to stay in any situation that you’re not comfortable with, but you also don’t have to leave anywhere just because you’re uncomfortable. If a conversation goes sideways or you put your foot in your mouth you can just say “welp, my brain works in weird ways! Haha!” and move on. The people who get it will get it and the people who don’t, well, you probably don’t want to be their friend anyway.
All of these are tried and tested by yours truly, but I’d love to know how they work for you! Have you made new friends as an adult? What works?
