The Impact of Relationship Abuse on Mental Health
I had a client once that came to me for help with her anxiety and depression. She exhibited all of the standard symptoms- poor sleep, fatigue, restlessness, irritability, lack of appetite, poor memory, and panic attacks. However, when exploring more about her social life and relationships, it became obvious to me that my client was in a very unhealthy, and potentially abusive, relationship. She described feeling like she had to walk on eggshells around her partner, feared how they would respond or retaliate to her setting boundaries, feeling invalidated and like she was “crazy.” Her partner’s constant anger and jealousy kept my client always feeling on the defense and always having to prepare for a fight. No wonder she was anxious and depressed!
Unfortunately, many therapists might overlook the importance of how relationships impact our mental health. They might immediately start exploring with this client how to get better sleep, eat healthier, or develop better coping strategies for panic attacks. And I suppose, there’s nothing inherently wrong with starting there. In fact, these self-care strategies will be integral to doing what I consider the most important work- taking a long hard look at this relationship and either working to change it or working to leave it.
The truth is that our individual psychology is heavily shaped and influenced by our social environment. That means that no matter how much we might try to heal ourselves, we won’t get very far if our home environments are unsafe or abusive. In fact, doing this kind of therapy might even be harmful. Why would I want to help someone who is being abused learn how to more effectively manage their abuse? If they’re having panic attacks, that might be their body telling them that they are actually unsafe and they need to find a way out.
Additionally, many people who experience abusive relationships engage in behaviors and exhibit mental health symptoms that are only present during that relationship. I’ve known clients to have been previously diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and Bipolar Disorder (both chronic conditions) but their symptoms resolve almost immediately upon exiting their abusive relationships.
If you have had relationship trauma or struggle with maintaining healthy relationships with other people, you need a therapist that is knowledgeable about how these social patterns show up in our lives overall. Want to know more about how I can help you change yourself and your relationships for the better? Reach out today to schedule your free consultation!
