The Friend in Your Bad Habit

“I did it again.” Followed by a familiar feeling of shame. Judgement comes sweeping in swiftly. “I’m an idiot.” You start to question yourself.  “What the hell is wrong with me?” The solution seems clear. “I’m just a failure.”

You take one of two paths:  You promise yourself never again, you’re going to get it together, just to see yourself slide predictably back into your old behaviors in a day or two, or maybe a week. Or you resign yourself to your status as a failure, drop the false pretense of trying to change, but nonetheless continue to judge and shame yourself for not being different. Either way, the behavior continues and you feel worse and worse about it.

Sound familiar?

We all have “bad habits”- those behaviors that we believe we shouldn’t do, and yet, we can’t seem to let them go. 

You bought a pack of cigarettes, again.

You picked a fight with your partner, again.

You binged on pizza until you felt sick, again.  

You spent too much money, again.

We know these behaviors don’t really help us, but they have some kind of hold on us.  We just can’t seem to stop.

Our habit asks us “If I’m so bad, why do you keep coming back?”

We come back because our habit has been a friend to us.  Need to escape a difficult feeling? Habit is there.  Want to distract yourself? Habit is there.  Reliably and predictably, our habit is there to help us manage the emotional intensity of our present situation.  And it works! We have trouble letting go of it simply because it is effective in meeting some kind of need. We can’t deny it.

How would things be different for you if instead of shaming and judging your habit, you saw it for what it is- a protector, a friend?  It’s actually been quite helpful to you at times- that’s why it sticks around.

The next time you notice your habit in action- ask yourself these questions:

-        What body sensations do I notice right now? (tension, numbness, tingly, sore, etc)

-        What emotion am I experiencing right now? (anger, sadness, fear, joy, etc)

Begin by just noticing- what happens in your physical and emotional body that is linked to your habit?

Then ask yourself “What is my habit doing for me in this moment?” Just be curious and be open to an answer you might not expect. 

By coming to a deeper understanding of the function of our habits and behaviors, we can start to see them more objectively- maybe even compassionately. 

Seeing the friend in our habit doesn’t mean we have to keep it forever. A compassionate view doesn’t mean we don’t change.  It simply means we can have a greater sense of peace along the way. We can see our habits as powerful teachers- doorways into a deeper understanding of ourselves.

Ready to take a closer look at your habits? Schedule a session!